Letting Go (Holding On Book 2) Read online

  LETTING GO

  BY

  MEG JOLIE

  This work is legally copyrighted.

  2013©

  For book updates, or news on new releases, please visit:

  http://megjoliebooks.blogspot.com

  Thank you so much for taking the time to read my work. Please consider leaving a review. Thank you!

  1

  “He’s just too cute for words!” Carly proclaimed.

  Luke grimaced. “He’s a mess.”

  Quinn nudged him and grinned. “It’s his party. He’s supposed to be a mess. That’s why I made him his own cake.”

  Carter was turning one. Quinn had ordered a cake for his birthday, for the adults. For her son, she’d baked him his own mini cake. He had thoroughly enjoyed trying to feed himself. Although, he’d gotten more in his hair and in his ears than in his mouth. Quinn gazed at his smiling little face as he splattered his hands through the mess he’d made on his highchair tray. He looked up at her and grinned, as if he knew this was a special occasion.

  “You only turn one once,” Quinn pointed out. “Besides, it’s his cake. He can do what he wants with it.”

  “I’ll go clean him up,” Carly offered.

  “You don’t have to,” Quinn said. “I can do it. Luke’s right. He really is a mess.”

  “I don’t mind,” Carly said as she pulled him out of his high chair. He let out a squawk as he reached for the paltry remains of his cake. Carly turned him away from her. His messy hands flailed in the air, away from her body. “I’ll just run him a bath.”

  “Thanks,” Quinn said.

  “You know,” Margo, Quinn and Carly’s mother, said, “I think she made that offer because she’d rather clean the baby than the kitchen.”

  Quinn laughed because she didn’t doubt that her mother was right. “She might regret it once she realizes that splashing is his favorite thing.”

  “You mean second favorite,” his other grandma, Nora, threw in. “I think squishing cake might be his new favorite thing.”

  Luke laughed. “Yeah, you might be right. I guess boys will be boys. They like to be messy. And my nephew, he’s all boy.”

  “I guess it’s time to clean up this mess,” Quinn said. She had her hands on her hips as she assessed the damage. The remnants of the birthday dinner; lasagna, salad, breadsticks, cake and ice-cream…had left her kitchen a mess.

  Luke gave her a nudge and a wink. “That’s my cue to leave. I’m gonna go outside and find out what Dad and Pete are up to. But,” he said, “I will take this bag of garbage with me on my way out.”

  He grabbed the bag that had the remnants of the gift wrappings and toy packaging.

  “Thanks, Luke,” Quinn said. She pulled a hair tie out of her pocket and pulled her strawberry blond curls into a knot at the back of her head.

  “It’s so hard to believe that he’s one already,” Nora said. Her tone was melancholy. Her gaze had settled on a picture across the dining area, in the living room. It was Quinn and Jake’s wedding picture. Jake, Luke’s brother and Nora’s oldest son, had passed away only months before Carter was born.

  “I know,” Quinn said sadly. “He’s growing up so fast.”

  “It only gets worse,” her mother assured her. “The next thing you know, he’ll be in high school. Then married. Then having kids of his own,” she said wistfully.

  “It does go fast,” Nora agreed.

  “That’s why I am enjoying every single second with him that I can,” Quinn said decisively. She’d taken this past year off to be a stay at home mom. Jake’s life insurance had easily allowed her to have this time with their son. She hadn’t thought she’d enjoy being home so much. Jake’s death had changed her perspective, changed her priorities. She didn’t regret for a second staying home with Carter this past year.

  “I’m glad sweetheart,” Nora said. “That would’ve made Jake so happy. He wanted you to be able to spend that time with Carter.”

  Quinn forced a smile as she stacked the dirty plates together.

  “I think we’ve had enough of the depressing talk,” her mother said.

  Quinn cringed as she shared a look with Nora. Margo could be overbearing, overwhelming and just flat out rude sometimes. Nora forced an understanding smile and Quinn let out a relieved breath.

  She’d known Nora since she was a child. When Quinn and Luke were both children, the McGraths had lived down the street from the Johnsons. Quinn had gotten to know the McGrath boys well. Especially Luke. They were best friends growing up, through high school and college. They could’ve been so much more but neither knew of the secret crush one had on the other. Neither had been willing to jeopardize their friendship by bringing it up.

  Eventually, Quinn had started dating Jake, Luke’s older brother. There had been a few rough years and a whole lot of hard feelings at one point but eventually, the trio had managed to work things out. Then last year, Jake had passed away unexpectedly. Now, Quinn and Luke’s friendship was back on steady ground. It was forever changed but more solid than it had ever been.

  “Nora,” Quinn said with a devious smile that her mother couldn’t see, “how much longer until your retirement? You must be so incredibly excited.” Quinn wasn’t a vindictive person by nature. She was the first to admit that her mother sometimes brought out the worst in her. She knew that her mother was envious that Nora would be retiring soon.

  “Five more weeks,” Nora said with a big smile. “On one hand, it’s very exciting. On the other hand, it makes me feel very old.”

  Quinn scoffed at that as she began rinsing dishes. “You are not old.”

  The three of them finished working while they chatted. Quinn brought the conversation back to neutral territory. She could see the men; her dad, Tom and Luke out in the yard. It was hard to tell what they were discussing. Between the three of them, they always seemed to have some project they were ready to attack. They’d already sawed down a few trees that Luke was afraid might fall on the house. Tom—Jake and Luke’s dad—had been over to clean out her rain gutters (something Quinn would’ve done, if she would’ve known it needed doing). Pete—her own dad—had made sure her driveway was always plowed. Luke had insisted on mowing her lawn. Another thing she was capable of, but because she had Carter to watch over, Luke insisted he’d be happy to do it for her.

  Jake had been gone a little over a year. Everyone still insisted on helping Quinn out. At first, she didn’t care for it much. She felt like she was a burden to them. Slowly, Carly helped her to see that she was actually doing them a favor. By helping her, by taking care of her, each of the men, in their own way felt they were doing it for Jake. Doing the jobs he would’ve done and had always done. It helped them to feel better, as if they were making a difference by helping to take care of Quinn. Eventually, she stopped protesting and just let them help. It seemed Carly was right. It had, in some little way, helped them with the healing process.

  “I think that little rascal is down for the night,” Carly proclaimed.

  Quinn glanced over her shoulder at her sister. Carly’s red shirt was splattered with wet spots. Yet she wore a triumphant look on her face.

  “You got him to sleep?” Quinn asked.

  Carly beamed at her. “I rocked him. He’s out like a little light.”

  “You’re going to spoil him,” Quinn teased. It had taken many tear-filled nights; both on her part and Carter’s, but her little guy had finally started to fall to sleep on his own.

  “Of course I am,” Carly said defiantly. “I’m his auntie. That’s my job.”

  Quinn swatted her with a dishtowel.

  “Girls,” Margo admonished.

  Quinn turned to her mother and frowned. �
��It’s my kitchen. I can swat if I want to!” she said. Just to prove she could, she whipped the towel at her mother’s behind.

  Carly laughed as she stepped between them. “Dad looks tired,” she said to her mother. She pointed through the window where Pete was yawning hugely.

  “I suppose, we should head home,” Margo admitted. “This was a lovely party, Quinn.”

  “Thanks, Mom,” she said with a smile.

  “Tom and I should head out as well,” Nora agreed. “I’m going to go peek at the birthday boy but I promise to be quiet.”

  “I guess that means I’m leaving, too,” Carly said. She was visiting from out of town and she had ridden to her sister’s house with their parents.

  “Thanks for coming home this weekend,” Quinn said. She pulled her sister into a hug.

  “I wouldn’t have missed his birthday party for anything.”

  Quinn smiled. “I know. You really are the best auntie.”

  “Carly? Are you coming?” Margo called from the entryway.

  “Do I have a choice?” Carly muttered to herself.

  Quinn grabbed a hold of her elbow. “Yes!” she said, under her breath. “You do have a choice. Stay here! You can spend the night here. I know I don’t have a spare room but I do have a king sized bed.”

  Carly looked hesitant. “No, it’s okay. I can deal with Mom.”

  Quinn rolled her eyes. “I know she’ll complain that the lasagna was dry, the breadsticks were too garlicky and mention that I should not have gone with chocolate ice-cream for the cake. She’ll also complain to you that I never should’ve let Carter make such a mess. But that’s not why I want you to stay. I miss you,” Quinn said, honestly. “Carter’s asleep, we can have a girls’ night.”

  Carly eyed up her sister. She had a sudden hunch that Quinn did not want to be alone tonight. Milestones without Jake were hard on her. What would have been their first wedding anniversary, the one year anniversary of Jake’s death…all of the firsts. First holidays alone, not only Carter’s birth but his first smile, his first laugh, his first step. Now, his first birthday. Each had been like a subtle twist of the emotional dagger that was embedded in Quinn’s heart.

  Carly realized this and she was about to accept. Quinn jumped in first.

  “I have wine,” she proclaimed.

  “Count me in,” Carly said with a smile.

  ~*~*~

  “I cannot even tell you how much I regret going away to school,” Carly moaned. “The first two years were fun. It was so nice to get away but now…” She shook her head. Now there were so many reasons she wished she was back in Lanford. She had never thought she would miss her family so much. Then again, it had never crossed her mind that her sister would lose her husband. Or that she would love her nephew so much. She hated missing out on seeing him grow up.

  “Now you miss us?” Quinn asked teasingly. She swirled her merlot before taking a sip.

  “I do!” Carly said. “Even more than moving away, I regret taking a year off.”

  “You thought you needed it,” Quinn reminded her. “In fact, if I remember correctly, I think you did need it. I don’t think you were ready to concentrate on school quite yet.”

  Carly seemed to only have two things on her mind back then. Boys and parties. Quinn wasn’t sure a whole lot had changed. It was simply that Carly had gotten better at balancing everything.

  “I know. But now, instead of graduating this spring, I have next semester and next year,” she grumbled. “At least this semester will be over in a few more months.”

  “It can’t be all bad,” Quinn tried. “I mean, you met Nolan, right?”

  Carly lifted her wine glass to her mouth. She tilted her head back and finished off the last half.

  “Whoa. Okay,” Quinn said.

  Carly leaned over to the coffee table and swiped up the half-full bottle of merlot. She filled her glass while Quinn patiently waited for an explanation.

  Carly sighed as she carefully leaned back into the cushions, trying not to spill her wine. She turned slightly to face Quinn, who had her feet curled up beneath her.

  “Yes,” she finally said. “That’s where I met Nolan. Where I dated Nolan. And where I lost Nolan.” Her voice was flat but her eyes sparkled with unshed tears.

  “Carly, why do you always wait to tell me these things?” Quinn wondered.

  Her sister shrugged. “Because it gets old. I get tired of telling you the same old story. When you were my age, you were already totally committed to Jake. Me?” she shook her head. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. Commitment isn’t my thing. Never has been, never will be.”

  “That’s not true,” Quinn admonished. “You just haven’t met the right person yet.”

  Carly’s gaze flicked to the other side of the room and she sighed. Quinn was pretty sure she knew what her sister was thinking right then. Jesse was most likely on her mind. The man she loved to hate. The man who broke her heart…and she’d reciprocated the favor many times over. Quinn, personally, did not think they were a good fit. Not if they couldn’t stop hurting each other. She’d been hopeful that things would work out with Nolan, for her sister’s sake.

  Carly finally returned her gaze to Quinn. She rolled her bottom lip through her teeth. Quinn was sure she knew what was coming.

  “Have you seen Jesse lately?”

  Quinn hesitated, took another sip of wine and then answered. “I have. In fact, I’ve seen quite a bit of him.”

  Carly’s brow furrowed. “Why?”

  “Well,” Quinn said, “Luke was looking for a place to stay.” After his brother’s death, Luke had come back to Lanford. He’d lived with his parents for awhile, as he tried to decide if he should stay in town or not. In the end, he’d decided to stay. His family owned McGrath Electric and with Jake gone, Luke felt he needed to come back to help his dad.

  “Luke was looking for a place to stay. And…?” Carly prodded.

  Quinn shrugged. “He moved in with Jesse.”

  “Oh,” Carly said, taking a moment to process that. “So,” she hesitantly began, “does that mean he’s not still with Betsy? I thought they’d be living together by now.”

  Quinn scrunched her face up apologetically. “He is still with Betsy. Last I heard, anyway. But no, they aren’t living together. Luke moved in last summer. I think it was supposed to be a short-term arrangement but Luke can’t find a house he likes. Jesse doesn’t seem to mind that he’s staying there.”

  Carly gazed off once more and then returned her attention to her wine.

  “Are you okay?” Quinn asked.

  Carly returned her gaze to her sister. “I’m fine,” she said with a forced smile. She did feel as though a subject change were in order. “Just think of where you were a year ago today.”

  Quinn smiled. “I was in a hospital bed, exhausted, probably with Carter snuggled into my side.”

  “Probably wishing that your family would leave you alone so you could get some rest,” Carly added on.

  Quinn laughed and shook her head. “No. I would never wish family away.”

  “I still wish I could’ve been there with you,” Carly said. “But…I’m glad Luke was.”

  “Yeah,” Quinn said, “me too. The delivery would’ve been hell without him. I was glad he stuck around after he dropped me off at the hospital.”

  “Speaking of—”

  Quinn started shaking her head, cutting her sister off. “Oh, no. Don’t start.”

  “Speaking of Luke,” Carly persisted, “have the two of you come to your senses yet?”

  “We’re friends,” Quinn said firmly.

  “I know,” Carly agreed. “But you should be so much more. You’re just putting off the inevitable. You and Luke belong together. That’s not saying I didn’t think you and Jake were great. You were. But,” she said quietly, “he’s gone. And Luke’s here. And you two have already wasted so many years because neither of you wanted to make the first move.”

  “Carly,” Quin
n moaned. Despite the fact that she knew everything Carly was saying was true, she wasn’t in the mood to discuss it. Not tonight...possibly not ever.

  “No,” Carly said, “you’re going to hear me out. You and Luke wanted each other all through high school, through the start of college. Neither of you had the balls to admit it to the other. You know Luke still loves you. I mean, how many years did he barely speak to Jake because of it?”

  “That’s really not helping your argument,” Quinn said. She’d hated coming between the brothers. They’d always been so close until Jake had started dating Quinn.

  “Okay, fine,” Carly said with a sigh. “But my point is, you’ve grieved over Jake for a year. You can’t be alone forever. You shouldn’t be alone forever. Jake would not want that for you. You know I’m right.”

  Quinn blinked away tears and looked away. Yes, Carly was right. That didn’t mean that it made it any easier to think about it.

  When Carly spoke again, her voice was gentle. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt her sister. Yet some things needed to be said. And sometimes, there was not a kind way to say them. “He’s been gone well over a year, Quinn. It’s time to let go. It’s time for you to move on.”

  Quinn stared at the wine in her nearly empty glass. In her heart, she knew Carly was right. She finally lifted her eyes to her sister. She gave a tiny shrug. “Luke might have moved on already Carly. He said he loved me once. But he felt guilty after Jake died. He felt guilty for wanting to be with me. I don’t think he wants anything more than my friendship. Not after everything that’s happened.” She paused, thinking it all over. “Too much has happened.”

  “Here’s a crazy idea,” Carly said. “Why don’t you talk to him? I think there’s a damn good chance you’re wrong.”

  2

  “Son of a b-yow,” Carly cried, catching herself.

  Quinn laughed. “Don’t glare at me! This was your idea.”

  It was Saturday afternoon. Carly had awakened that morning determined to take Quinn out to do something fun. Their ideas of “fun” varied slightly.